Looking for a New Year’s resolution that goes beyond losing weight (again) or reducing your credit card debt?
Here’s one that will be good for you and the whole country. Megan Rapinoe, co-captain of the U.S. women’s national soccer team, presented it as her “charge to everyone” when speaking in July at a New York City ticker-tape parade celebrating the team’s 2019 FIFA Women’s World Cup victory:
“We have to be better. We have to love more. Hate less. [We’ve] got to listen more and talk less.”
Ms. Rapinoe is neither apolitical nor timid. She cares passionately about many issues, and has spoken out on them forcefully, earning her both praise and wrath.
That fervor notwithstanding, her “charge to everyone” reflects a recognition that we don’t win our point by losing our respect for the humanity and dignity of those with opposing views.
The new year will open with all manner of unfinished, unpleasant business carried over from the old, starting with the impeachment proceedings. We also can look forward to 10+ months of a presidential campaign that promises to be as nasty as any in our lifetimes.
If you want to counter the vitriol by accepting Ms. Rapinoe’s “charge to everyone” as your own for 2020, start by seeking out a friend, neighbor, or acquaintance whose political views are very different from yours. Ask if they would explain not just their position on an issue about which you disagree but, more importantly, why they feel that way.
Don’t try to refute them, dispute them, rule them, school them, correct them, convert them, or anything else them. Don’t ask for equal time. Just listen as closely and non-judgmentally as possible, asking a clarifying (and non-loaded) question or two if needed, and thank them for sharing their thinking. Then let what they had to say ramble around in your head for a day or two. You’re unlikely to suddenly agree with them, which is fine. You may find merit in some component of their argument, or you may come away more convinced than ever that you’re in the right.
None of that is the point, however. By asking them to share their views, you show that you value them and their thinking. You invite them to go beyond sloganeering. And you gain a greater understanding of how their experiences, hopes, fears, and mindset shape their views. That focus on the human dimension can provide the basis for empathy, and for less-angry and more-substantive dialogue. It can make us better people and better Americans. In the process, it can make for a truly happier new year and a better America.
Note: Photograph by Jamie Smed from Cincinnati, OH, courtesy of WikiMedia Commons.
Jamie Smed from Cincinnati, Ohio [CC BY 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D
Better Americans 